note to self

do not drink an entire bottle of wine by yourself and expect no drunk tears.

im not a happy camper. is it too much to ask for men to not be "so" stupid? im talking about each and every one of them. all dumb. so dumb. i hate them all.

men are overrated.

tick. tock. tick. tock. tick. tock.


and here i wait.


i hope he calls.

i dont know what i want right now....ahhhhhh...i feel like a crazy squirrel hunting down my nuts that i hid over the fall, but i cant remember where i put them or which one is the best one. i dont know why i am comparing myself to a squirrel...perhaps i just really just lost my mind.


i want to talk to everyone, but i want all of my deep dark inner secrets kept safe with only me. i want to spill my guts out and have word vomit like ive never had before, but i am silent.


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...please let it snow so bad that no one can leave their houses...so bad that i cannot even open my door to leave.....let it snow sooo bad that my house is covered and i can be a hermit w/o having to choose to be. (side note: i detest snow)

i hope... too desperately
i admit... too honestly
i care... too easily
i need... too emotionally
i trust... too dangerously

i love... too recklessly

this is me, for better or for worse, this is me. i have flaws, you have flaws. please let world not judge me.

one of the worst things in life

going to bed with a headache and waking up with an even worse one.... :(

tonight was a mistake...i was already messed up and confused from the few moments i had with him/seeing him, but then to enter an environment where i felt on the outside and was surrounded by unneeded and unrelated tension only seemed to elevate my horrible mood to new levels. im hormonal right now and on the verge of crying every other hour. tonight was a mistake. i should have avoided it like my gut told me but i was hoping for a low stress distraction. blah.

im going crazy missing him. :-(

sad panda and bad sleep

last night was the first night i attempted sleep w/o the aid of my dear friend Nyquil and slept great as far as my cold and coughing was concerned.  as far as dreamworld goes, i was tortured all night long by his face. every single moment of my dreams that i remember was consumed by him. why do i punish myself. isnt sleep suppose to be the one time of day i can be free of stress and crap like that? apparently i am not so lucky.  each time i woke up from love not sparing me a moment of peace last night i would roll over/switch to a different position on the couch. and yet again my thoughts, emotions, heart failed me...i would just enter a new situation (dream) in which he was there smack dab in front of me. seriously? is it too much to ask to simply have 7-8hrs a day free of drowning in thoughts of him. good god, help me! and now on my day off...i am sad and lack ambition to do the things i had intended to get done today, because here i sit on my couch thinking of him and missing the loser. and to add insult to injury i KNOW he ISNT thinking of me, for if he were...it wouldnt be just a thought there would be action. if he were thinking of me at all, he would have contacted by now. so why do i waste my time thinking of someone who thinks nothing of me?

self-reflect time? meh not today...maybe on my next day off

i live in a fantasy

fantasy football that is...

this was probably the most nerve racking week yet.  i was sitting on the edge of my seat the entire time flicking my eyes back and forth from the packer game to stat tracker. i was projected to lose. then i was winning by a little. then a lot.....then both sam and chris made incredible comebacks....it was so close, i was practically holding my breath and almost peeing my pants at the same time.  for every point closer to them regaining the lead over me, the packer game got more and more intense. oh my goodness...was that a crazy game. sloppy plays all over by both teams. thankfully...the pack pulled off the victory :)

and i have a guaranteed win against chris and a likely win against sam after tonight.  take that boys, take that!

white flag

i surrender.



the end...

ambition...i lack it....to clean

how does one gain ambition to clean their house? especially when they are cold, content sitting on the couch, and would prefer be else where. suggestions welcome.

got rear ended yesterday. it was pretty awesome. not. two bids today both around $850 to repair back bumper. spent 30 min on the phone with his insurance co putting in my claim. waiting on a call tomorrow to find out where i go from here. ugh.


the joys of stupid, inattentiveness.

trying something new...

after some harsh criticism from a friend (not sure if he actually qualifies as a friend, but anyway..) in addition to his not so eliquently put advice, i've decided to actually listen to him. i heard him out, processed, responded, listened more, disagreed here and there, and ultimately decided to try follow his words.  and although his words were at times blunt and borderline insulting, i think he was actually attempting to be sincere and give his god honest opinion to my situation and respond to my feelings the best way he knows how.

so in an effort to make a change and find a hobby, i ventured out today and purchased art supplies. i've decided to take up drawing again and see if i still have a slight passion for it or any skill left. i've also made small contact with those who i've been not so pleased with lately, as my friend thinks this will also help my situation. tomorrow i had planned to take step three by starting to read a book as part of his advice too, but this will have to be postpone for now since something came up that is more of a priority in need of my attention (i got rear-ended by another car and need to get estimates done).

im also going to take the initiative to do the things i want, when i want to. and i want to hang out with my family video people and make a vacation of it. so sometime in early to mid november im planning a get together with famvid-ers in lax to hang out, party, hotel, etc.


even though i may have cried during my "heart to heart" with my kinda-friend, i am going to try to take the opposite path in life i was heading down and stay positive as best as i can...for now.


:-)  everything happens for a reason...i just need to not worry so much about any of it and just live life and enjoy it....and trust in that!

the heart wants what the heart wants...and my heart is torn between three.

this past weekend was one of the more confusing ones for my emotions and feelings.  every few hours the strings of my heart were pulling me in a different direction than the previous hours.  my stupid little girly feelings drive me bananas sometimes. i cant decipher my feelings, wants, and needs anymore. all three men are not realistic options, but boy oh boy...it would be nice to have a chance.

i realize now what i have lost...what i chose to give up....i miss him....i miss everything about him. the good and the not soo good.. i miss it all and like an idiot i walked away because of fear and because i was naive to my feelings and what didnt know i had. i had the world. i had a life. i had everything most people dream of and i left it because of stupid petty reasons and my own insecuries and curiosities. i can 100% today admit i regret my decision. i try to live life not regretting anything. but this i regret. this, that i gave up was more than just a silly title of what was....i gave up a second family, a second set of friends, my future husband, my future children, something stable and that always would be there in support of me no matter what. i gave up everything for nothing and the worst part is...is that i realized it too late. what is done cant be undone and it is killing me and breaking my heart. i hate seeing my family w/o him by my side....for i feel is still so much a part of who i am and who i will continue to be. i miss him. i love him. i will always love him. i love you andy!

school makes me selfish

i used to love the thought of fall fast approaching for more than just the jean-appropriate weather, changing colors, and fantasy football.  i used to look forward to school starting. school was my social out-let, my time to click with new people and catch up with others.  it gave me something to look forward to because when i was in school i was always busy.  there was always something to do and be done. now that the school season is here yet again, im almost entering a depressed state of mind. my best friend flo will be pre-occupied with school this year and the on and off again boy will be back in school. i feel like school starting is going to kill what little social life i had. i wish i had one more month of summer to have fun and hang out with certain people before they will have even less time for me :(

i know its selfish but i wish the school season would never start up again. i think its about time i finally consider "really" putting myself out there and hanging out with someone of the male population. i dont think it would be all that horrible to spend time with another person with the cozy, cold season only a couple months away.  im not going to lie...i would love to have someone special to spend my nights with. not even a bf....just someone special. my friends joke about how i say im never gonna get married therefore i will probably be the first one engaged and married and that it will happen in a year.  i 98% doubt that.  the 2% that i dont is if for some reason andy, my ex boyfriend, wanted to try again...then maybe just maybe we would be a successful duo this time around and decide to just take the leap into serious commitment. but considering he is dating someone else at the moment, i dont think andy and i will ever have that opportunity again. 

so again to conclude....can we please push school off for another month or two so i can still feel like i have a partial social life??? ugh.


the end

my new favorite song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBzE42r80Io

"You"

You don’t want me, no
You don’t need me
Like I want you, oh
Like I need you

And I want you in my life
And I need you in my life

You can’t see me, no
Like I see you
I can’t have you, no
Like you have me

And I want you in my life
And I need you in my life

You can’t feel me, no
Like I feel you
I can’t steal you, no
Like you stole me

And I want you in my life
And I need you in my life

last night was both interesting and fun. but here i sit alone sunday night wondering what he's doing, where he is, why he never responded, wondering if i even crossed his mind today.  i get so many confusing, mixed signals from him.  he lets his walls down when its just the two of us and yet he just cant seem to let me in, not even half way in. does he not know i would practically lay down in front of moving car to save him.  does he not know i would give him more than i would ever expect back in equal terms...and i would do it all for a simple commitment. is it that he cares absolutely nothing for me other than when he's "desperate" as our friend and him joke. or is it he is scared to show me that he might actually like me and have feelings for me. i might just be crazy. i am crazy. but im a woman in love. madly in love. madly in love with a boy. i want more from him, but i doubt i'll ever get what i want and am starting to need. ugh. this sucks. love sucks.

honesty

a half truth is a whole lie


trust is something we all want from everyone and equally want to give to everyone. trust and honesty go hand in and hand. when one of the two is lacking, the other fails too. trust is something that is earned, and usually takes a lot of time to acquire, but with a little dishonesty that trust can be lost in a single moment.  no one person is perfect, we are bound to make mistakes.  the this is where honesty is key. own that mistake. sincerely apologize for that mistake. and pray to god that the trust is not completely lost and can be rightfully re-earned.

im drinking

im a little drunk at home with flo...talking to grant about person x and person z and i hate everyone except flo....shes so nice. did i say i hate everyone... person x texted flo. i hate him.......i sleep with him and this is what he does to thank me....screw you person x i hate you too....eya this is a drunk post...i dont care. wahtever...i hate boys.

k bored bye...i need to play monopoly with flo on pogo.com

update

so for those of you who have not heard yet....i am an official homeowner...in escrow and all that jazz now!!!
i love love love my house. i instantly felt at home here, never adjusted so quickly to a huge change before. this must be a good sign :)


i recently got a raise at work...which is simply awesome because anything extra will help now that i have a mortgage payment. frankly it was about flippen time that famvid raised my pay. god knows im way more valuable than what i get paid.

things with andy are on civil and positive terms again (we had a falling out a few weeks ago).

sam is treating me almost 100% normal again and has been borderline nice. we saw each other/hung out three days in a row...thats almost a record for us. ha ha

im sooo looking forward to a weekend away from eau claire for josh and rheannas wedding! should be an good time (august 6th)

cautiously back on facebook

so a week has flown by and out of mild curiosity i reactivated my facebook account. it seems i've missed nothing exciting or dire.  for now i am back on facebook cautiously but am considering re-deactivating it just for the pure satisfaction of not "needing" it anymore.  it had turned into a habit, a daily necessity for me.  now it merely a curiosity.  i am not disappointed that i reactivated it because i met my goal and was really proud that during that time i had no real desire to sneak a peek at all.  so i feel the weeks time away was a success!

priority is not facebook or any of that mumbo jumbo....priority as of right now is packing to move.  i found out i have friday and exactly only friday to get all of my stuff (well the big stuff that cannot fit into my car) moved into the house before nightfall.  my dad and uncle are bringing up the truck and trailer to help.  mom is driving up to help move stuff and clean.  and my brother is meeting us early to mid evening to help us finish up.

OMG im actually nervous...really nervous. i wish i had a boy to stay with me the first few nights there....i find comfort in that thought...i hate sleeping in new places im not yet situated and adjusted to. ugh.

but more importantly i pray to god that it doesnt rain...and that if it does it chooses to do so a) before we start moving stuff and get it out of its system or b) it waits until night to rain. eeeeek *crosses fingers*

6 days

6 days until I close on my house...yikes. I'm definitely getting nervous and kind of have that weird feeling in my tummy about it.  I'm both happy and sad to move forward with this.  I'm super excited to have more space, to have all of my belongings in one place, to have a garage/yard/basement!!! I'm excited to have a place where I can feel comfortable having more than 1 person over. I'm looking forward to living on a road that will most likely be plowed ASAP!!!  But it's true I am sad to leave my apartment.  I love my apartment.  It's absolutely perfect for just me.  I like that I have neighbors I chit chat with in passing.  I enjoy being this close to work, so I can procrastinate taking movies back and be lazy in getting ready for work because it takes like 3 minutes to get to work from here.  I will be a little disappointed not living this close to sam too....it made it easy to say yes to him; however, this will be a goooooooood thing....it will give me a solid reason to start saying no and break the bad habit.


I don't really need a roommate financially right away (or if ever), but a roommate would just lessen the load for me.  I wouldn't be stretched so thin each month, but I'll make it work.  However, a roommate might be nice to have someone to talk to, come home to, hang out with when doing nothing at all.  I'm not sure though...we'll see. I'm definitely not opposed to a roommate, but I will be and should be picky about who I'll consider.  So far, the offer has only been out there to one person back when I first starting looking for houses.  That offer I'll stand by because I know it wouldn't be a bad or uncomfortable one.  It would probably work out really nicely...but there could be other people that might also provide the same situation.  No decisions will be made one way or the other until I'm settled in....either mid-August or by September 1st.


6 days!!!!!

unpretty

this is what i am. :(

blocking not only facebook...but the entire world out

I find it amusing that my horoscope for today on yahoo (which I check regularly, but typically find no meaning or importance from) is as follows:

"Take stock of the blessings in your life -- it is a great way to stay positive."

It's just so ironically amusing because today of all days, I felt the least bit positive and certainly am doubting I have any blessings in my life except for good health and my family.  Perhaps one might think I am selfish, immature, and am taking the things and people in my life for granted....or put more bluntly, that I'm a spoiled rotten brat.  Frankly, I could care less what anyone thinks of me or how I am feeling right now. If you don't like it, go screw yourself.  I am fed up with people telling me I have so much going for me and to be grateful for, blah blah blah....yeah I know....I don't have a bad life. I get it. But that certainly does not mean I have a good one or one worth bragging about.  No! In fact, in this very moment (at 12:56 am) I feel pathetic, lonely, unappreciated, unworthy, and disliked. Why? Excellent question...

Lately, I feel like my world is falling apart.  I am no longer "happy" with my job. I, actually, hate it some days.  The thought of me hating my job would have never crossed my mind at any moment in the past year..year and a half that I have been with Family Video.  Unfortunately now my opinion has changed.  I feel under-appreciated, undervalued, and constantly stressed.  I'm sick and tired of the managers above me not leading by example and putting in that extra effort that they should.  Yet, they expect me and all of my part-timers to give 110% and then some.  I am so over it. If I had not just recently purchased a house, I would be packing my bags and moving back to La Crosse and would work for Grant.  To be completely honest, I'm still kind of thinking about it how I could rent out the house for a year and put it back on the market.  That way I would be able to still be an assistant manager for famvid in La Crosse, live with my mom and save money for a year, and work for my dad part time cleaning apartments and make $15/hr.  I doubt I'll go that route, but I'm not ruling it out as an option at this point.  I don't necessarily want to run away from my problems here in Eau Claire, but god would that make it way easier to get over them more quickly.

So what else?  Here's what else.  I feel like I have no friends...no friends that I can legitimately trust or talk to about anything without the fear of judgment and harsh criticisms.  It's like one moment everything is perfect and I have all of these friends; and I attempt to include everyone, so as not to leave anyone out. Everyone gets along great and its the ideal situation.  Then before I know it...they are all hanging out without me and not a single one sends an invite my way or decides to offer to include me.  It feels like I have been voted off the island and completely deserted.  And then on top of that, I have been depressed lately and just wanted an ear to listen to me vent; instead, I get unsolicited harsh opinions thrown in my face from an unsympathetic "friend."  In addition to basically being compared to a flippen pathetic puppy dog following around a boy. Really? Because that's exactly what I need and want to hear when I'm already down in the dumps.  So not only am I a loser apparently chasing a guy that I can never have, I end up being a horrible, neglectful friend by doing so. AWESOME!

I can never win. And if I can never win, what's the point in trying anymore? Honestly people...what is the flippen point?? Am I that screwed up?  I guess so.  So, it's a pretty darn good thing that I am leaving to go to La Crosse for the next couple of days because if this were not the case, I would probably be balling my eyes out for two and half days straight.   I have never felt so low before and abandoned/let down by my current group of friends.  I need some good, solid family time as a healthy distraction.  And yes, this means that my deactivated facebook status stands.  I haven't even really been tempted to reactivate it yet.

So, what is my horoscope for the new day?? Oh, it's almost as good, if not better than today's.

"Locking away your negative feelings is just as bad for you as overeating."

So, in an effort to follow at least one of my horoscopes comes this blog post. I hope you enjoyed my negative feelings as much as I did. NOT.  This was just the tip of the iceberg of my negative feelings.  I could go on and on about the rest of them and in much more detail, but then I would be up for hours and would get all riled up/sad which would not end well since I have to open the store tomorrow.  So this will have to suffice.

I'm done with pretty much everything and everyone for now.  The only things I plan to focus on for the next week or two include my family and my house.  The rest (i.e. work) is just filler...because I have no other choice but to go.

message to facebook world

"working 10 hrs today. its not a holiday for me. my life feels more messed up and off track than ever before. so starting now im taking a vacation....a vacation from facebook...i need to try to regain my focus....bye"



i am making it a challenge and a necessary step to regain what i have lose in my life. my focus, my drive, my hunger for life.  right now i am just coasting and coasting where? i havent a clue. i need to get a clue...i am going to take a week, maybe two off of facebook because it is just one giant distraction and at the same time one heavy weight holding me back from moving forward.

facebook has made it easy to stalk, following the lives of those you want to know whats going on but are too chicken or not close enough to ask. no more. no more wondering will sam ever unblock me and end this cruel power trip.  no more wondering has grant been on facebook...is there anything new.  no more wondering is andy seeing someone else officially yet.  what about my my friends....whats going on  in their life....let me just pull up facebook and take a peek. LAME. this is not how relationships should be. if i want to know...i will ask and if someone wants to know about me...they'll ask if they really care.


goal: one week hiatus

true challenge:  two weeks



here goes nothing....

blocked

i blocked andy. im torn up by this. i just want to cry, keep crying really....unfortunately i have to go to work until 12:30am tonight. i miss andy, i miss talking to andy....but we only talk when i make the effort. he claims he still cares and wants to be friends. i think he's lying. if he wanted this, he would make some sort of effort too, would he not?

life sucks. i hate that i deleted andy. but he doesnt care anymore...so i should just make it easier on him and delete myself. so that i dont keep interrupting his life.   :(

a date

i want to go out on a real date. it is time, i think. i am ready....i want to date, i want to experience pre-love again, and eventually a boyfriend and real love.


it is time.

car troubles

i feel as though i was finally making it out alive from my depressed, wanna cry all the time funk i was in until i got screwed over by my car. and now im down in the dumps again...but im giving myself today and today only to feel poopy then im gonna break free from the funk and continue on my upward climb to happy and fun courtney again.

so heres the scoop...my car needed an oil change (which i was planning on taking care of this last friday as it was my day off) but two days prior to friday my back window decided to fall off the track and die. oooh and my ABS light and trac off light have been playing the on and off game for a few weeks now. everyone told me not to worry about it because it was prob nothing, just to wait and ask about it during the oil change.

now fast forward to friday. oil change $30. done.

window quote $315 eeeek
brake quote $250 double eeeek


fudge fudge fudge...but at least the mechanic said neither is a safety concern until i start to hear noise from the brakes, because my regular brakes were fine.

so i decide to go the grocery store and what do i hear as i brake when approaching the stop sign. loud, high pitched squeaking .....awesome! so i call my dad and we get cut out...call dropped.


now im getting really frustated at this point because a) i dont know if its safe to drive my car b) no one is flippen answer their phones

dad...no answer
mom....no answer
andy(the ex)...no answer
brother...no answer
fred(flos step dad)...no answer
chris(boss friend)....no answer
sam danforth.....sent a text...instant reply! thank you sam for actually being a human and normal for the second-third time in a week's period.

so of the 7 people i contacted...one...the only one who responds. oh the irony of it all. the one that responds is the one that likes me the least. hahahah.

anyway the gist of the texting back and forth was that he thought i would be ok to drive it and i would be safe and not cause any severe damage/ make a bad situation worse by driving my car.


and here i am typing up my story, so you know that i did indeed not die, nor did i get stranded anywhere. yay!

sucky part is that i still have to fork over $550-600 to fix everything...ugh

gibbersih

i miss having a friend to talk to...a male friend. i used to have so many close guy friends in high school and even in college i had a couple really good guy friends that i told almost everything to. then i had andy who was my best best best friend.  and now i am lonely again.  a couple of weeks ago i spend six + hrs on facebook chat with a friend ( a boy) and it was awesome.  i miss that. i want that. i want someone to talk to about anything and everything again.


not necessarily ready for a boyfriend or even want one. but i wouldnt be opposed to a friend who is a male who i could chit chat with, get to know, and mildly flirt with. this is what i want. this is the perfect solution and situation.


tis all for now

rain, rain, rain

rain. i feel like the recent weather that has been hitting the midwest area as if it were a perfect reflection of the inner most workings of my thoughts and emotions. i can fake it for those who matter not and pretend as if every waking minute i am suzie sunshine. but those who truly know me, know that is not the case. ive said it before and i'll continue to say it, my life is like a giant up and down roller coaster.  only thing is every time i'm on the ride up and start to get excited, it takes a bend to a direction i wasn't anticipating and fear fills me up as i, the coaster, fall quickly and somewhat swiftly down to the depths of someplace close to h***.

rain. i feel like the gods above are shedding never ending tears upon us.  i feel like im a disappointment or that im always disappointing someone else, if not my own self. in work, in love, in friendship, in everything. is it too much to just want things to be simple and have that "this is happiness" feeling? apparently so.

rain. i am becoming all too comfortable with you being around continuously on and off every hour. sunshine? what's that? the sun is full of lies, the rain is where truth is. how you feel during the rain is surely something honest and raw. i want to get back to the point in my life where rain didnt feel depressing...rain was exciting, rain meant a day/night inside snuggled up and cozy and loved.

and there it is...loved. i want to feel it. i want to express it as it naturally comes (no holding back). i want to drown in that unconditional, warmth that love is. with love, when loved, when loving...rain is just rain, nothing more nothing less.

twitterpated

oh bambi...i love that movie


need to buy it soon, along with tangled...another excellent disney movie!


but confession time...im confessing nothing that isnt already known, not really a big surprise...but here goes anyway.

i love sam. still. still love sam. told sam never to show up unannounced ever again at my door....but nevertheless still love him. im sick and twisted, duh...i already knew this.


oh yeah and i think jared is kinda cute too...hes fairly new to famvid...only a couple months been there...but hes kinda adorable in a lovable, dorky kinda way.....we flirted for 2.5 days until he finally admitted he had a gf. booo....there goes that healthy, fun distraction from sam. i fail. period. at all aspects of relationships and men/boys. i fear there is no help for me whatsoever.


oh well....

night

bruised, but not broken

this is me. this is my life. but my life isnt a bad life. :-) i will be happy, even when disappointed. the end

48 hours

48 hours and ill be in the airport basically on my way to mexico! omg im soooo excited!

ive been ready to run away from eau claire for a while now. it will be an amazing vacation with my dad, his gf, and my best friend flo! not only that it will be a much needed break from work, stupid drama, and a forced intervention preventing me from having contact with sam (to whom im in love with).


bring on mexico!!!!

what a weekend...week...omg

long story short...
friday got a little tipsy...made a bad life decision with sam
monday got flowers from bret
and tonight (wednesday) i have a guy whom ive never met telling me its obvious we are soul mates more or less


what the heck is wrong with me and what the heck is wrong with the men out in the world....



perhaps i should run far far away by myself and live alone away from society. i cannnnnnnot take any more crazy!

my dad is the best

everything happens for a reason!

mexico, yeah baby!

it's official i am going to mexico march 9-16th! woots woots

in a funk

currently i'm:

bored, disappointed, slightly depressed, doubtful, confused, in strong strong like with someone, underwhelmed, lonely, sad, a hermit, hopeless, pathetic, stupid, and the list goes on.


im in a funk.

and i am having doubts that my life is headed in a direction i'd like it to. i am having doubts that i will have a fun and special birthday. my xmas sucked...my post xmas sucked...i dont have a boyfriend even though there is someone i am head over heels with, he doesnt deserve me and i am constantly left disappointed by him.



i just want to re live my summer over and over again...that was fun! please can we just rewind a little?

death is knocking on my door...or so it feels like

im really sick right now. it sucks. went to urgent care and they said that my labs were all normal...nothing they could do for me. i havent eaten in 24 hrs and my body is starving but nothing sounds good. i am supposed to be staying hydrated but i cant bare to drink my gatorade or water....its all just gross right now. i feel weak and tired, but all ive been doing is laying on the couch and sleeping. im bored but have no energy. i wish i had my mom here or i had a bf to take care of me and play with my hair. that always relaxes me. i feel so out of it. i hate my life so much right now. and on top of it i have to find a way to make up 7 hours of work by the end of the week. FML.


the end.

new years kiss update

i did not kiss a rando like i joked about, nor did i kiss anyone else!

i did however start my year off with honesty. i finally owned up and told sam to his face i like him.

the 2011 honesty kick will continue !!  however i will not be talking via phone to anyone any day soon considering im somehow now sick...booooooo. this blows.