friends

i love chris and alyssa! so much fun!!!!!!!!

what an amusing night...so glad i was there for all of it! :)


but unfortunately i realize now that i am back home post dinner/famvid visit....i am bored...and totally wired from that sole margarita i had.


and ned cancelled on me for tonight...we were planning on watching twilight together. boo.


and obviously i love flo to pieces! cannot wait for our day out in the park and sun and picnic and just enjoying the weather and outdoors this week!!!


another thing i realized just now is that i need not more friends as in high quantity, but a couple more higher quality friends that i can spend nights/times like this with just hanging out talking, walking, watching movies with, etc.


it's a shame that i am not better friends with trent, sam, adam (if he were still in the EC area), my brother (if he were here and not in lax), etc......i need a movie-lounge buddy! just someone that i can hang out with and it be totally relaxed and laid back! i need to find one soon...either that or a boyfriend...but really i dont want a boyfriend...just the friend part would be cool.

Miss Nothing

"Miss Nothing" by The Pretty Reckless

I'm miss autonomy, miss nowhere.
I'm at the bottom of me.
I'm miss Miss androgyny, miss don’t care
What I've done to me

I am misused, I don’t wanna do
Be not your slave
Misguided, I mind it, I'm missin the train.

And I don't know where I've been
And I don't know what I'm into
And I don't know what I've done to me

And as I watch you disappear into the ground
My one mistake was that I never let you down

So I'll waste my time, and I'll burn my mind
On miss nothing, miss everything

I’m miss fortune miss so soon
I’m like a bottle of pain
Miss matter you had her
now she’s goin’ away

I'm misused, misconstrued
I don’t need to be saved
Miss slighted, I mind it
I'm stuck in the rain

And I don't know where I am
And I don't know what I'm into
And I don't know what I've done to me

And as I watch you disappear into the ground
My one mistake was that I never let you down
So I'll waste my time, and I'll burn my mind
On miss nothing, miss everything
Miss everything

And as I watch you disappear into my head
Well, there's a man who’s telling me I might be dead
So I'll waste my time, and I'll burn my mind
So I’ll waste my time, and I'll burn my mind
On Miss Nothing, Miss Everything!

i need help....apparently

so i keep dreaming about sam. every flippen night..he has a guest appearance in my dream world...it's so dumb. i cant even find piece when im sleeping, let alone the battle i have with my thoughts when im awake. fml. last night was the kicker...my dream was beyond weird. i was back in school. and danita was in class with me, it was an english-history mix (kinda like the one i had in high school). she and i sat in the first row together and sam sat kitty corner behind us and who sat next to him...tracy did. sooo dumb...why does she get the luxury of guest starring in my dream too....as if i am not already threatened by her because she is a) prettier than me b) sam's first and c) apparently still hanging out with him now that he and i dont "hang out."

and not only was my dream a nightmare because of the people in it...the dream itself was crappy because we were in an english-history class learning about horrible, awful murders by these two brothers back in the late 1800s...we took a field trip to where some of the murders occurred. then the dream turned into this scary haunted house like vibe where the murderers were still there and hunting us all...but at this point it was just me and a few other random people running and hiding for our lives. of course there was no knight in shining armor, but i guess i should be thankful that my phone alarm went off so therefore i did not die in my dream...it's probably just left "to be continued." oh joy...im soo looking to finishing that dream. ick. pass. i hope that tonight i am soooo exhausted after closing at work that i just crash instead! yes please!!



it's just so frustrating...i want to be either a) rid of all things and thoughts- sam or b) just find some closure in talking to him and just finding a happy medium where it's just not dumb anymore...no more wondering....just talk so i can move forward, because he clearly has.

The Vampire Diaries

I'm hooked. So the first season of the Vampire Diaries was one of the pre-streets at famvid this week because it comes out on Tuesday. So out of curiosity I rented it (since it was free for me) and now i am completely hooked. There are like 20 episodes all at like 45-50 min each and i have been watching them all since thursday night at 7 until last night at like 1am. it is crazy...but i am fully up to speed with the series and cannot wait until the new season starts this september.

it is darker than twilight but not as "adult" as true blood (which by the way is an amazing series)!!!! but along with this new curiosity and found appreciation for the VD...i have a new character/celeb crush hahaha. Damon Salvatore = yum. he is the "bad" vampire brother of the two salvatore brothers in the show and i find him super sexy. the character is def. the bad boy...but hooks and pulls you in with his momentary slip ups where he shows slight and subtle glimpses of redeeming qualities. kinda reminds me of someone i know personally....which is all the more reason why i probably like the character, but whatever. anyway the actor that plays him oozes with sexiness..even though he's not typically my type...but then again...do i really have a type anymore...have i every really had "a type"???

well just for a point of reference as far as looks go...i will post a couple of pics below of the sexy and talented Ian Somerhalder aka "damon salvatore" from the VD.













Sexy, right? His eyes are amazing!

First Date

So this might sound silly...but I want to go on a date. Like a real, legitimate first date. I have never experienced one before. A date where you and the guy don't know each other much beyond the very basics, the guy opens doors and pays, and you spend the entire time just talking and possible hand holding. All innocent and no pressure other than those little nervous fluttering butterflies.

I want this.


So hopefully sometime in the next few months, a guy whom is worthy of my attention will walk into my life and ask me out on my first official real "first date."

:)

shaved legs

so after 2 weeks of wearing only pants because i havent been ambitious enough to shave my legs....i finally did, this morning. i now have silky, smooth legs! yay! :) i always feel amazing after i shave my legs....i don't know why i feel like this. but it just brings something out of me. my girly side, my energetic side, my positive side. I just love the feeling of clean and smooth legs.


so because shaving my legs is not a quick task....it does take a good 10-15 minutes added onto my shower time, i find that my mind wanders.

so here were/are my thoughts from the shower/shave time:

-i miss the feeling of having a boy...a boy that is "mine"...to cuddle with and just sit with on the couch in silence and watch a movie.

-i miss going to bed laying next to someone that i can snuggle with

-i want to have a baby someday...like the clock is ticking and i dont even have a man in my life

-i have never been on a real first date. that might be nice.



now although this sounds kinda negative...i am hopeful about all of this. i feel that it will all happen for me! and when its supposed to. i just hope i dont have to wait too long. but i know that i need to learn to put myself out there and keep my mind and heart open to meeting people...because someday the right one will find me.


but like i said...it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with in the mean time. oh well.

stupid me

Today marks the one week mark since the bad night with the boy. I still cannot figure out how something so casual and a light-hearted night could have possibly turned into a rough, uncomfortable, and miserable one. He was supposed to be fun, friendly, risky, and exciting. He was. It was. For a while. Until something changed....I don't know what made him snap or why he got so "intense" last Tuesday night. I want to know why. I want answers. I don't want answers. I want my $50 back. I want contact again. I don't ever want to talk to him again. I am so back and forth with my thoughts and emotions. I want my knee to heal. I want my marks to go away....I kinda don't want them to go away just yet though..they are my reminders of why I should never have contact again with the boy. But we are bound to cross paths...we run in the same circle of friends....i am still so sick with curiousity and lust for him though.


I will stay strong and at least have many things to occupy my time with so at least my mind won't wander during the day...only at night when im in bed and during my dreams.



stupid me.

the last song

i totally cried again watching The Last Song for the second time. i know im lame...but i just cant help it. the little brother in that movie plays his part so well!


watch it...its a good movie

Untitled

I forgot about my Plan A.

So I went with Plan B.

Because Plan C is NOT an option at all.

the good outweighs the bad

Lately my life has been a roller coaster, up and down, up and down, up and down.

Positive- I have a new apartment. It is a one bedroom apartment that has a full kitchen and a small, but perfectly decent living room.

Negative- I am scared to live alone, although a little excited.... still very nervous to take on this new adventure.

Positive- I bought a new TV for my apartment. It is a 46" Samsung LCD flat screen and I purchased a Bluray player to go with it =)

Negative- My brother and the ex, Andy, both recently deleted me from facebook. Lovely, huh? Yeah the crap just pretty much hit the fan with those two and me...and I just don't care anymore. They just keep judges and harassing me. I'm over it.

Positive- I am doggy sitting Josie right now and she is such a crazy fun dog. So energetic..pretty sure I have like a million little scratches from her constantly jumping on me.

Negative- I still need to move my bed into my apartment, but I need man power...ugh. And once I do get it moved, I'm definitely scared to sleep alone in my place.

Positive- I am on decent terms with Sam. I think we are even friends, ha. Well I mean he helped me move furniture twice already and Alyssa, him, and me all hung out and did dinner. It was fun ;)

Negative- I am stuck with the truck for another week or so until a) I get my bed moved and b) until I can get more time off of work to drive back to lax and switch vehicles.

ok....im bored of blogging...this is all i can offer for right now.