rain. i feel like the recent weather that has been hitting the midwest area as if it were a perfect reflection of the inner most workings of my thoughts and emotions. i can fake it for those who matter not and pretend as if every waking minute i am suzie sunshine. but those who truly know me, know that is not the case. ive said it before and i'll continue to say it, my life is like a giant up and down roller coaster. only thing is every time i'm on the ride up and start to get excited, it takes a bend to a direction i wasn't anticipating and fear fills me up as i, the coaster, fall quickly and somewhat swiftly down to the depths of someplace close to h***.
rain. i feel like the gods above are shedding never ending tears upon us. i feel like im a disappointment or that im always disappointing someone else, if not my own self. in work, in love, in friendship, in everything. is it too much to just want things to be simple and have that "this is happiness" feeling? apparently so.
rain. i am becoming all too comfortable with you being around continuously on and off every hour. sunshine? what's that? the sun is full of lies, the rain is where truth is. how you feel during the rain is surely something honest and raw. i want to get back to the point in my life where rain didnt feel depressing...rain was exciting, rain meant a day/night inside snuggled up and cozy and loved.
and there it is...loved. i want to feel it. i want to express it as it naturally comes (no holding back). i want to drown in that unconditional, warmth that love is. with love, when loved, when loving...rain is just rain, nothing more nothing less.
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