school makes me selfish

i used to love the thought of fall fast approaching for more than just the jean-appropriate weather, changing colors, and fantasy football.  i used to look forward to school starting. school was my social out-let, my time to click with new people and catch up with others.  it gave me something to look forward to because when i was in school i was always busy.  there was always something to do and be done. now that the school season is here yet again, im almost entering a depressed state of mind. my best friend flo will be pre-occupied with school this year and the on and off again boy will be back in school. i feel like school starting is going to kill what little social life i had. i wish i had one more month of summer to have fun and hang out with certain people before they will have even less time for me :(

i know its selfish but i wish the school season would never start up again. i think its about time i finally consider "really" putting myself out there and hanging out with someone of the male population. i dont think it would be all that horrible to spend time with another person with the cozy, cold season only a couple months away.  im not going to lie...i would love to have someone special to spend my nights with. not even a bf....just someone special. my friends joke about how i say im never gonna get married therefore i will probably be the first one engaged and married and that it will happen in a year.  i 98% doubt that.  the 2% that i dont is if for some reason andy, my ex boyfriend, wanted to try again...then maybe just maybe we would be a successful duo this time around and decide to just take the leap into serious commitment. but considering he is dating someone else at the moment, i dont think andy and i will ever have that opportunity again. 

so again to conclude....can we please push school off for another month or two so i can still feel like i have a partial social life??? ugh.


the end

my new favorite song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBzE42r80Io

"You"

You don’t want me, no
You don’t need me
Like I want you, oh
Like I need you

And I want you in my life
And I need you in my life

You can’t see me, no
Like I see you
I can’t have you, no
Like you have me

And I want you in my life
And I need you in my life

You can’t feel me, no
Like I feel you
I can’t steal you, no
Like you stole me

And I want you in my life
And I need you in my life

last night was both interesting and fun. but here i sit alone sunday night wondering what he's doing, where he is, why he never responded, wondering if i even crossed his mind today.  i get so many confusing, mixed signals from him.  he lets his walls down when its just the two of us and yet he just cant seem to let me in, not even half way in. does he not know i would practically lay down in front of moving car to save him.  does he not know i would give him more than i would ever expect back in equal terms...and i would do it all for a simple commitment. is it that he cares absolutely nothing for me other than when he's "desperate" as our friend and him joke. or is it he is scared to show me that he might actually like me and have feelings for me. i might just be crazy. i am crazy. but im a woman in love. madly in love. madly in love with a boy. i want more from him, but i doubt i'll ever get what i want and am starting to need. ugh. this sucks. love sucks.

honesty

a half truth is a whole lie


trust is something we all want from everyone and equally want to give to everyone. trust and honesty go hand in and hand. when one of the two is lacking, the other fails too. trust is something that is earned, and usually takes a lot of time to acquire, but with a little dishonesty that trust can be lost in a single moment.  no one person is perfect, we are bound to make mistakes.  the this is where honesty is key. own that mistake. sincerely apologize for that mistake. and pray to god that the trust is not completely lost and can be rightfully re-earned.

im drinking

im a little drunk at home with flo...talking to grant about person x and person z and i hate everyone except flo....shes so nice. did i say i hate everyone... person x texted flo. i hate him.......i sleep with him and this is what he does to thank me....screw you person x i hate you too....eya this is a drunk post...i dont care. wahtever...i hate boys.

k bored bye...i need to play monopoly with flo on pogo.com