"Take stock of the blessings in your life -- it is a great way to stay positive."
It's just so ironically amusing because today of all days, I felt the least bit positive and certainly am doubting I have any blessings in my life except for good health and my family. Perhaps one might think I am selfish, immature, and am taking the things and people in my life for granted....or put more bluntly, that I'm a spoiled rotten brat. Frankly, I could care less what anyone thinks of me or how I am feeling right now. If you don't like it, go screw yourself. I am fed up with people telling me I have so much going for me and to be grateful for, blah blah blah....yeah I know....I don't have a bad life. I get it. But that certainly does not mean I have a good one or one worth bragging about. No! In fact, in this very moment (at 12:56 am) I feel pathetic, lonely, unappreciated, unworthy, and disliked. Why? Excellent question...Lately, I feel like my world is falling apart. I am no longer "happy" with my job. I, actually, hate it some days. The thought of me hating my job would have never crossed my mind at any moment in the past year..year and a half that I have been with Family Video. Unfortunately now my opinion has changed. I feel under-appreciated, undervalued, and constantly stressed. I'm sick and tired of the managers above me not leading by example and putting in that extra effort that they should. Yet, they expect me and all of my part-timers to give 110% and then some. I am so over it. If I had not just recently purchased a house, I would be packing my bags and moving back to La Crosse and would work for Grant. To be completely honest, I'm still kind of thinking about it how I could rent out the house for a year and put it back on the market. That way I would be able to still be an assistant manager for famvid in La Crosse, live with my mom and save money for a year, and work for my dad part time cleaning apartments and make $15/hr. I doubt I'll go that route, but I'm not ruling it out as an option at this point. I don't necessarily want to run away from my problems here in Eau Claire, but god would that make it way easier to get over them more quickly.
So what else? Here's what else. I feel like I have no friends...no friends that I can legitimately trust or talk to about anything without the fear of judgment and harsh criticisms. It's like one moment everything is perfect and I have all of these friends; and I attempt to include everyone, so as not to leave anyone out. Everyone gets along great and its the ideal situation. Then before I know it...they are all hanging out without me and not a single one sends an invite my way or decides to offer to include me. It feels like I have been voted off the island and completely deserted. And then on top of that, I have been depressed lately and just wanted an ear to listen to me vent; instead, I get unsolicited harsh opinions thrown in my face from an unsympathetic "friend." In addition to basically being compared to a flippen pathetic puppy dog following around a boy. Really? Because that's exactly what I need and want to hear when I'm already down in the dumps. So not only am I a loser apparently chasing a guy that I can never have, I end up being a horrible, neglectful friend by doing so. AWESOME!
I can never win. And if I can never win, what's the point in trying anymore? Honestly people...what is the flippen point?? Am I that screwed up? I guess so. So, it's a pretty darn good thing that I am leaving to go to La Crosse for the next couple of days because if this were not the case, I would probably be balling my eyes out for two and half days straight. I have never felt so low before and abandoned/let down by my current group of friends. I need some good, solid family time as a healthy distraction. And yes, this means that my deactivated facebook status stands. I haven't even really been tempted to reactivate it yet.
So, what is my horoscope for the new day?? Oh, it's almost as good, if not better than today's.
"Locking away your negative feelings is just as bad for you as overeating."
So, in an effort to follow at least one of my horoscopes comes this blog post. I hope you enjoyed my negative feelings as much as I did. NOT. This was just the tip of the iceberg of my negative feelings. I could go on and on about the rest of them and in much more detail, but then I would be up for hours and would get all riled up/sad which would not end well since I have to open the store tomorrow. So this will have to suffice.I'm done with pretty much everything and everyone for now. The only things I plan to focus on for the next week or two include my family and my house. The rest (i.e. work) is just filler...because I have no other choice but to go.
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