one of the worst things in life

going to bed with a headache and waking up with an even worse one.... :(

tonight was a mistake...i was already messed up and confused from the few moments i had with him/seeing him, but then to enter an environment where i felt on the outside and was surrounded by unneeded and unrelated tension only seemed to elevate my horrible mood to new levels. im hormonal right now and on the verge of crying every other hour. tonight was a mistake. i should have avoided it like my gut told me but i was hoping for a low stress distraction. blah.

im going crazy missing him. :-(

sad panda and bad sleep

last night was the first night i attempted sleep w/o the aid of my dear friend Nyquil and slept great as far as my cold and coughing was concerned.  as far as dreamworld goes, i was tortured all night long by his face. every single moment of my dreams that i remember was consumed by him. why do i punish myself. isnt sleep suppose to be the one time of day i can be free of stress and crap like that? apparently i am not so lucky.  each time i woke up from love not sparing me a moment of peace last night i would roll over/switch to a different position on the couch. and yet again my thoughts, emotions, heart failed me...i would just enter a new situation (dream) in which he was there smack dab in front of me. seriously? is it too much to ask to simply have 7-8hrs a day free of drowning in thoughts of him. good god, help me! and now on my day off...i am sad and lack ambition to do the things i had intended to get done today, because here i sit on my couch thinking of him and missing the loser. and to add insult to injury i KNOW he ISNT thinking of me, for if he were...it wouldnt be just a thought there would be action. if he were thinking of me at all, he would have contacted by now. so why do i waste my time thinking of someone who thinks nothing of me?

self-reflect time? meh not today...maybe on my next day off

i live in a fantasy

fantasy football that is...

this was probably the most nerve racking week yet.  i was sitting on the edge of my seat the entire time flicking my eyes back and forth from the packer game to stat tracker. i was projected to lose. then i was winning by a little. then a lot.....then both sam and chris made incredible comebacks....it was so close, i was practically holding my breath and almost peeing my pants at the same time.  for every point closer to them regaining the lead over me, the packer game got more and more intense. oh my goodness...was that a crazy game. sloppy plays all over by both teams. thankfully...the pack pulled off the victory :)

and i have a guaranteed win against chris and a likely win against sam after tonight.  take that boys, take that!