the heart wants what the heart wants...and my heart is torn between three.

this past weekend was one of the more confusing ones for my emotions and feelings.  every few hours the strings of my heart were pulling me in a different direction than the previous hours.  my stupid little girly feelings drive me bananas sometimes. i cant decipher my feelings, wants, and needs anymore. all three men are not realistic options, but boy oh boy...it would be nice to have a chance.

i realize now what i have lost...what i chose to give up....i miss him....i miss everything about him. the good and the not soo good.. i miss it all and like an idiot i walked away because of fear and because i was naive to my feelings and what didnt know i had. i had the world. i had a life. i had everything most people dream of and i left it because of stupid petty reasons and my own insecuries and curiosities. i can 100% today admit i regret my decision. i try to live life not regretting anything. but this i regret. this, that i gave up was more than just a silly title of what was....i gave up a second family, a second set of friends, my future husband, my future children, something stable and that always would be there in support of me no matter what. i gave up everything for nothing and the worst part is...is that i realized it too late. what is done cant be undone and it is killing me and breaking my heart. i hate seeing my family w/o him by my side....for i feel is still so much a part of who i am and who i will continue to be. i miss him. i love him. i will always love him. i love you andy!