Today marks the one week mark since the bad night with the boy. I still cannot figure out how something so casual and a light-hearted night could have possibly turned into a rough, uncomfortable, and miserable one. He was supposed to be fun, friendly, risky, and exciting. He was. It was. For a while. Until something changed....I don't know what made him snap or why he got so "intense" last Tuesday night. I want to know why. I want answers. I don't want answers. I want my $50 back. I want contact again. I don't ever want to talk to him again. I am so back and forth with my thoughts and emotions. I want my knee to heal. I want my marks to go away....I kinda don't want them to go away just yet though..they are my reminders of why I should never have contact again with the boy. But we are bound to cross paths...we run in the same circle of friends....i am still so sick with curiousity and lust for him though.
I will stay strong and at least have many things to occupy my time with so at least my mind won't wander during the day...only at night when im in bed and during my dreams.
stupid me.
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