i feel a little confused on the inside right now. i am trying to not let myself feel, but human nature is undeniable and unavoidable. so here i am trying to pretend....but i am lying to myself a little each time. i want something real, i want to feel more...but i know there is nothing more to be had. so should i continue with where i am and be dissatisfied and yet satisfied both at the same time or should i stop myself now before attachment sets in. hmmm. things to consider. but i cannot stop thinking about the possibilities. life is a silly thing.
i shall ponder about this for the next few hours while at work and write more soon about my thoughts.
and yes this was all in code...if you know me, you know this...if you dont...dont bother asking.
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